find my words, and know that they're Yours

i'll cover my eyes
until i see that i'm ok
because i am

a strange new dwelling
i could only stare intently
into a thick layer of cloud cover

sleeping took learning

Your active ears
make for a calm heart
somehow peace, well-being, is here

continue to find me,
even if i may absent-mindedly walk away

a new lamp is a warm friend

inside felt cold, however the yellow light that has newly been incorporated into the living space was quick to warm me up, at least partially.

sometimes it is easy to feel left behind. (no, i don't mean this in the sense of the best seller "Christian" fictional series.[which unfortunately i read entirely as a middle schooler]) i need You to give security, even to be it for me.

i just needed some space, but that same space that i desired left me feeling awkward. sometimes it feels as though circumstances don't fit, but instead cling to you like an ill-fitting cardigan.

my ears feel empty. but i'm patient, really i am.

embarking upon the high seas

dried out and wrinkled
maybe the times when we are worn
are the times when You can most function.


a new weather system is rolling in
currents are changing
a gale is a brewing
ropes
hold me fast to what is solid.



Your wind-chapped hands
know exactly where to guide
this ship
and set it's sails.

committed you are to your purposes

circumstances are
wobbly
help me to revert back to
stability
that is found
when you speak

i purposed
from the beginning
to follow through
You have shown me Your
faithfulness
thus far
further?

show me what is real
then I will know
think
ponder on
the ultimate certainty
I know You to
be

my insides waste away
multiplied
decentralized burdens.
may you lead me away from
that which is fake
put on
self-fabricated

teach me obedience
holding hands
with grace

i knew i could only walk
this way
with You at my side
i believe in
noises that come
from Your mouth

i cling
to what You have already
worked out

don't turn
Your face from me now
i'll certainly
crumble

my feet will continue
to exert their energies
only because
You will increase
the capacity of
ventricles
atriums
capillaries

anywhere but there

and for the next five days, they'll be found in wranglers, boots, and cowboy hats, or some combination of the three. Even though the other 360 days of the year they are found in anything but these. I don't miss the riff-raff - un-local yay-hoo's taking over a beautiful valley as if she were their own, a passing summer fling. Many of them won't even call back after the weekend is over.

For the rest of the year, I'm happy to call Ellensburg my own, but for this Labor Day weekend, I am happy to be anywhere but the 25 mile radius that surrounds her. It hurts me to know that my little princess of a town will have to endure the abuse of this weekend.

NW221, etc.

We stood surrounded by trees, and the Lord was there, along with the warm yellow light. I was surprised by a moment that was beautiful.

---

Rumor has it you're required to check into a flight at least 30 minutes prior to departure. I never thought this would be an issue - until sunday I was trying to check in 31 minutes prior to departure, and was cut of half way though check in, when the computer's clock changed to 30 minutes. Suprisingly, NWA sticks to their guns. I certainly didn't fly back to Kona on Sunday.

Monday brought success as far as boarding aircraft goes. I certainly had to fly through SFO and HON, being delayed by a few hours at each leg of the journey. I don't know that I've ever felt so far away from Kona. Eventually I arrived, and am now sitting to you typing from area code 96740: Kailua-Kona.

But am I steadfast, or will I just resort to complaining when life becomes a hassle? When original callings become tried, are they something I will continue to tie myself to? I don't know that it would be worth it if it were something completely easy. Life, at many points, will require sacrifice. Sometimes time spent with family. Sometimes a preferred climate. Sometimes ambient lighting. I'm trusting though, that these things, entrusted to him, will become what they need to be.

really, this was written two days ago.

Originally Recorded at 11:56 AM, Honolulu Time, August 12, 2008.

Flying anywhere in Hawaii, you automatically feel like a tourist. Even if you aren’t wearing a flowered shirt, black socks, a fanny pack, or a staw hat. If you’re in the airport, you can’t help but feel like an obnoxious outsider. I’m in the airport now.

I’m out of the vog, but it’s still hard to know where I’m going. Life is changes. Home I would normally see as familiar, but this time it will involve even more changes. Not that changes are bad, I just have to learn to live in light of them. Lord knows I need to be kept from becoming too settled.

Commitment. An example will soon be seen. Already, I see that this is something that cannot help but be related to so many things outside wedding dresses and rings and honeymoons. Surely it applies to these. But surely it must also relate to our relationships (friendships or “serious”), projects, long-term vision, and ultimately our involvement with the One who is much greater.

Distance and time zones quite often seem to stand in the way. However, they exist, and I therefore must learn to function in their reality. I’m noticing a common thread.

Is it morning, or is it night? I would answer both.