An Orphan.

Physically, I am obviously not an orphan. Spiritually, I am nothing more than such a child without parents, without anyone for that matter.

But not an orphan without hope - I've been adopted. Would anyone else have been able to take me in? Maybe. But in you alone does this orphan find mercy.

So no, I am not the physically malnourished toddler whose parents have been stolen away by unnecessary political conflicts or an unruly pandemic. But in a different realm.

The day I was born, I was dumped in a field, and left to die, unwanted. But for some reason, as I was helplessly squirming around in my own blood, attractive by no standards whatsoever,

I caught your eye.

You told me to live.

I became worth something. Not because of any value I possessed, but worth something only because you wanted me.

I can't thank you enough for taking up a project such as I, not to mention following through with it.

strawberry yogurt and coffee do not settle a stomach.

Why am I surprised that I feel so differently? I went away for five months, and then I am torn up when I find that I am not able to return and settle into the exact same place I used to fill. I don’t want to go back to filling that old place, but I don’t know what the new one looks like.

Credits. Practicum. Majors.

Is it because I would have wanted something “concrete”?

Trusting that I am not a lunatic.

A place where I am a failure if I do not have you to follow. A place where I would seem to be a fool, but trust that I am not because of a vision that has been instilled by your spirit. A place where I sometimes appear to myself as a loser would it not be for the place I know you are taking me.

Because when I was looking them in the eyes, I was starring directly into your face. It was too much to handle. I wanted to keep looking, but I had to place my gaze elsewhere, because I didn’t want to have to tell them why I was crying.

So this is why I am completely content with you. Because I know this is life, and life to the fullest. Trusting in your sovereignty, and your ability to take me where do not know how to go. This is the life I want. This is the faith I am learning to have.

To the Lord

May I love you? Simply for who you are? May I grab hold of your hands, simply because you've stretched them out for me to hold? No, not for what may come from them or for what is coming from them. Not now. Just your God-manos.

You reach down, through the layers of clouds - Stratus and Cumulus, because Gina Bloodworth taught me that those are the only important ones - placing your big hands right in the middle of my neighborhood. They're a bit higher than I would think that I can reach, but when I get on the ends of my toes I find that I am able to have my hands envelloped by yours.

And there is nothing else, because there needs not be anything else. This is all you want, and this is all I want. The rest can be dealt with later.